what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
