Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Send help, water and tortillas.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Randomize
