I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
