Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
