Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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