Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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