You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
