the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
