this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
