Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
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