My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
