She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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