that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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