his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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