I showed him my bush... on skype.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize