first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
