My liver just broke up with me...
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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