The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
