SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
