i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
