Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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