happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
