I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
