I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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