they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Randomize
