I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Congratulations! We have a period
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