I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
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