Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
