Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
they're like a gay fantastic four
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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