I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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