Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
