I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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