i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
