rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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