Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
