you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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