I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
