Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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