Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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