Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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