So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
