dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Randomize
