singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize