Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
