You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
