I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
