you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
