I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he thought i was a dude.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
