My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
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