Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Never joke about your clitoris.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
