it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Found your dick twin last night
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
