My first STD was from a foam party
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize