Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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