I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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