I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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