And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Randomize
