I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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