Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
