Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
