Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
