that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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