We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
