New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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