I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Randomize
