they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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