he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Randomize
