Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
