Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
