is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
