If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize