No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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