i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
