Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
