Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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