Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize