The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
