I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
